Meandering Along

   So I was thinking the other night and I decided two (not really important) facts. A) I really need to figure out a way to sleep through the night. B) I think about the weirdest stuff. I mean, seriously. At three o’clock in the morning my thought processes aren’t really too intelligent. Well, sometimes they are because I have written some pretty good stuff in the wee hours. But that hasn’t happened very much. Like, last night I was lying awake and wondering why the idea of the Easter bunny even materialized. Think about it. Who in their right mind invents a giant pink bunny that comes around once a year? What weirdo decided that a fairy would come get teeth. Why should we believe that a fat guy in a red suit brings our gifts every year on Christmas? What is the point of it all? I’m someone who likes to see a point in things. If there’s no point, then why bother? Okay, that was kind of a lie. Because I think about pointless things when I can’t sleep. All right, so not everything that is pointless is bad. Whatever. Anyway… It just boggles me that all these pretend holiday people exist. They’re not real. And they’re not cool. Tooth fairy? She’s just weird. Probably steals that change she gives to kids from needy orphans. Easter bunny? He’s just wrong on so many levels. Santa Claus? He’s just lame and has way too much time on his hands. Who wants to travel around the world in one night to deliver gifts to kids you don’t even know? I sure wouldn’t. And I’m a relatively nice person. So Santa…he’s just lame. Yes, I am calling someone lame for how nice he is. But let’s get this straight. Too much nice is a bad thing. Let’s pretend that someone just punched your little sister, and you react by saying to the little punk who did the punching, “Aw, I bet you’re still a real nice kid deep down inside.” Too. Much. Nice.

   But I do have other news. This news is actually pretty big. Well, it is to me anyway. It’s had me smiling all day.

   Are you ready for this one?

   I, Jess, have completed a fourth novel. Yes, that’s right. I did. 60, 534 words strung together to make a novel. No, this is not a completed second draft of Collision. (That’s like never going to happen at the rate I’m going.) I just completed a first draft of a political murder mystery. You might remember my mentioning a political intrigue story before. As of yet, it is still untitled. I like one word titles that pack quite a lot of the story into it. Nothing’s hit me so far for this one.

However.

No one, I repeat, no one is going to be reading this any time soon. I may have completed a draft of this but there is still a major problem with it. I hope to let a few people read this when I’ve fixed it. I’m rather proud of it. I think it’s one of the best first drafts I’ve ever written. (Yay for detailed outlines!)

So yes. Confetti! Completed first draft! Fourth novel I’ve completed a first draft of. There was novel number one, Collision, my nanowrimo, and now this.

Yes, I really do have a question and announcement. The question was prompted by Danielle. This questions is for those of you who read my last post. As my sister jumped over me, she yelled “DOGPILE!” Now, Danielle did not know what a dog pile was. So I’m collecting a survey here. Do you know what a dogpile is?

And to my announcement. I am going to be disappearing under great amounts of planning and outlining because I am about to begin two Great and Dramatic Undertakings. Actually, only one. I’m putting one for a while. There is no way I want to work on two Great and Dramatic Undertakings. Well, one undertaking is remaining a secret to all. Undertaking number two… Well, let’s just say that despite all my work. Collision as a novel goes flop. But Collision as three novels…. Like I said, Great and Dramatic Undertaking.

   I have a serious problem. I mean it. It is a very bad problem. No matter what I do, I cannot escape it. I am doomed to have this problem for the rest of my life. For this reason, I will never become a published author. I would never be sure if I would be able to meet a deadline. Sure I could sometimes. But most of the time… Um, I have a problem, remember? My problem is this. I can outline a story. That’s good. I used to not be able to do that. But now I can. I can outline. Yay me! However, I seem to have a problem sticking to the outline. And that’s where my real problem comes in. Here’s an example to illustrate….

   Say you’re writing this novel and having a totally good time with it. You’re following your outline, because your outline is actually pretty good. It’s nice. You’re happy with this writing business for once. (It hasn’t been go too well as of late.) And then it happens. You write something that wasn’t in the outline. Dun dun DUN! But do you stop there? Oh no. You write another thing that wasn’t in your outline. Suddenly, you have an imprisoned character, a pregnant character, an upset character, a desperate character, and a terrified character. So then you sit there. And think. And think some more. After all this thinking, you can think of only one thing. And that is, “Oh, crap. What am I supposed to do now?” Do you see my problem yet? I write myself into a hole. I do this a lot. This is why having a writing deadline would be really, really bad. I would write myself into a hole, and then freak out more than I usually do about writing. Could I freak out more than I usually do? That would be major freaking out. I mean, you don’t see me in real life. You don’t know how I can get when writing isn’t going well. I resort to writing little things. Some actually end up being pretty good. Others… Well, we really don’t need to talk about those.

   I’m still on hiatus from “Collision.” I will stay that way for the foreseeable future. I am not writing anymore of that until I think I can look at without wanting to scream. Is it weird to want to scream if you look at the story that you are more than a little attached to. Yes, I’ll admit it. I am attached to that story. I am very attached to those characters because they hold a meaning for me. A very special meaning. Sigh.

   Still working on redoing all the pages on this blog. It’s a slow moving progress. I am enjoying it though. Oh! I’m getting “House of Many Ways,” (Cannot wait to read it.) “Star-Crossed,” (Yay for nautical novels!) and “The Hunger Games” (I am dying to read this.) soon. Lots of good reading headed my way. At least, I hope it will be good reading. Who knows? I could end up being dreadfully disappointed with them all. Well, let’s hope not. It’s not like I enjoy being disappointed by books. However, I do enjoy making fun of the books that disappoint me. I’m sorry, but snarkiness is in my nature.

   I would really like to write a snarky rant. I really would. But I have no idea what to write a snarky rant on. I’ve ranted on Eragon and Twilight and the men in Tamora Pierce’s books. I need something new to rant on. Something to be snarky about. Hmm… This will require a great deal of thought. Actually, I have considered writing a Hannah Montana rant. We shall see.

   LOST is on tonight! So excited.

   This is going to be a very random post. It might even be very long and rambling. I don’t know. I suppose we’ll just have to see.

   Well, first of all… HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   I felt rather required to say that since it is the new year after all. But this is what I want to know. Where the heck did 2008 go? I mean, it seriously went by fast for me. Of course, there were times that it felt very slow. 2008 wasn’t one of the best years of my life. I think that honor would probably go to 2007. 2008 was very emotionally stressful. I learned a few lessons the hard way. Let me tell you something. I despise experience as a teacher. Sure, I’ll be thankful one day. I’m even rather thankful now. But still. Lessons learned the hard way are…hard. (Wow, that was so deep.) There was one lesson I learned this year that still really hurts, and I can’t bring myself to be thankful for it right now. I just can’t. Maybe I should. Because I know it spared me a lot of trouble in the future. But some things just feel almost worth it. Almost. They can be so worth it right now. But what about later? There are some mistakes you want to make twice. (Even if it isn’t technically a mistake.) Yeah, I hate my reasoning mind sometimes.

   So yes. I shall stop talking mysteriously now and talk about something more interesting. Like… like… Gee, I don’t know. Ramble, Jess. Ramble. You can do it.

   I could ramble about Marius of Les Miserables. But I don’t feel like swooning at the moment. And I know that if I start talking about him, I will swoon. (By the way, Marius is all mine and there is no way I am sharing him.)

   I’m feeling rather crazy at the moment. I had this idea for a novel. And, oh my goodness, I love it. I adore it. Seriously. Well, I adore one of the plot points. I decided to test it out on someone to see if it was good. (I tested it on my mother because she is the pickiest reader I know.) And she really liked it. Success! I’m actually going to outline this novel. It’s going to need it. I started today actually and it is such fun.

   After I write the next two chapters of “Collision” I’m going to start actually writing this new novel. I need a break from “Collision.” Very badly. I want to write the next two chapters, but after that I need a break. I’m not really emotionally stable enough right now to write about two emotionally unstable characters. I have no idea how long this break is going to be. It could be a month or so. It could even be a year or so. It’s just that it’s more than I can handle at the moment. I don’t particularly want to handle it either. Writing it frightens me at times. I can’t even explain why. It’s just so weird. I haven’t been enjoying writing it lately. And quite frankly, I don’t get why people like it. I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again. I’m not throwing a pity party or whatever about it. I’m seriously confounded by it all. If someone else had written it and then published it, I probably wouldn’t pick it up. I love romance and all, but… Oh, gosh. I know something’s wrong when I can’t even put it into words. I write what I feel much better than I can say it. So something’s wrong when I can’t even write it. It’s like my mind is going blank. And that’s scary. My mind is usually going haywire with writing ideas, the books I’m reading, schoolwork, and homework, etc. You’d think a blank mind would be peaceful, but it’s not. I don’t like not knowing what to think. And that’s what I feel like now in regards to “Collision.” I’m not entirely sure what to think of it. I have a love/hate relationship with it. This probably isn’t making much sense. This is why I shouldn’t ramble so.

   I’m stopping now, before my brain starts to hurt too much.