Meandering Along

Please be aware that this is my personal opinion on various best sellers. If you are a fan of Twilight, Harry Potter, or Eragon, and you don’t like to read negative things about them, I don’t suggest you read any further. Spoilers abound here…

The Twilight Series

   I don’t like these books. I really don’t. And I refuse to call it the Twilight Saga, because it isn’t a saga. Saga implies epic. Twilight is not epic. I find it to be poorly written fluff. I have nothing against fluff. I love reading it. But I like my fluff well-written. I like my fluff with well-developed. And I like my fluff without boyfriends that don’t demonstrate stalkerish qualities that are presented in a romantic light. Seriously. Imagine that some guy admits to have been watching you sleep without your knowledge. I sure hope you’d run in the other direction. There are better boys out there.
   I could go on forever about what I loathe most about these books, but I don’t really want to take the time to do that. I have other things to be doing, ya know. Well, some of the things I hate most about the first book is, well, Edward and Bella. I don’t know why so many girls find Edward to be so ideal. He doesn’t really have too many amazing qualities besides his great house and driving skills. I mean, he’s boring. He sparkles. What the freaking heck? Is that what girls want these days? A sparkling, angsty, but still personality-less guy who has to fight not to kill you? That’s not romantic. I’m under the impression that the right one makes you feel safe and secure. I don’t know what Bella’s on exactly since she’s not afraid of him. Bella…honey…the boy wants to suck your blood so badly. Can we get you running for your life now? And think, Bella, he’s sucked other people’s blood. Just imagine that next time you kiss those cold, marble lips of his. That’s another thing—would you want your boyfriend to be stone and cold? Shouldn’t boyfriends be able to keep you warm? Oh, wait… That’s what the werewolf is for. And who can forget the meadow scene? Quite possibly the most laughable and horrific scene in book history. Laughable because of Eddie-Baby’s incandescent chest and scintillating arms. Horrific because they lovebirds are comparing their relationship to a drug. I think we can all agree that heroin is bad for you. So maybe if you’re comparing your relationship to heroin that might possibly be a sign that you are in a harmful, unhealthy relationship.
   On to New Moon…. My first problem with New Moon is that it’s not necessary. Stephenie Meyer could have ended her series with Twilight. It would not have been that hard. My biggest problem with New Moon is how Bella’s behavior at Edward’s departure is portrayed. That girl went freaking crazy. She dealt with her breakup all the wrong way. There are girls who (for reasons unbeknownst to me) look up to Bella. They could read New Moon and actually think that the way Bella acts is okay. Gah! Just because your sparkly boyfriend whom you are better off without anyway left you does NOT give you the right the shut down on life like Bella did. I don’t see Bella’s behavior as proof of her love for Edward either. I see it as proof of the obsession she had with him. Sorry but obsessed does not equate love.
   Ah, Eclipse. Evil book, you are. What did I get from this book? Edward is scary and demanding and evil and tells Bella what to do. Last time I checked boyfriends are not allowed to tell their girlfriends who they can and cannot see. Honestly. And, dude, why are Edward and Jacob fighting over Bella? What’s there to fight over? I mean… Anyway, I totally hate how people are all, “Oh, there’s nothing wrong with Jacob’s behavior. He’s only sixteen.” Pardon me? Did you really just say that? Wow. I’m sorry, but I think 16 is more than old enough to know how to behave.
   Breaking Dawn… Can I just say that this whole book bothered me? There was not one thing that I liked about it. I spent the whole book alternating between boredom, disgust, hatred, more disgust, laughter at the writing, boredom. Not really one of the best reading experiences I ever had. And, oh my gosh, that whole Renesmee/Jacob thing? That is so wrong on about a million different levels. The wrongness of it just astounds and amazes me.

Buuuuut.

I love Jane. Jane is my hero. She mind-tortured darling Eddie-Baby.

Best character: Jane.

The Harry Potter Series

   Mmm, don’t really have a whole lot to say on this other than the fact that I think the books are okay. I enjoyed them while reading them. But I wasn’t exactly bouncing out of my seat waiting for Deathly Hallows like I was when waiting for Book of a Thousand Days. Mostly it’s the hype about them that bothers me. I read an article where a bookstore feared their sales were going to go down because there was no new Harry Potter book coming out this year. Oh, please. There are other books in the world you know.
Best characters: Luna, Tonks, Hermione, Voldemort, and *sniffle* Snape.

The Inheritance Cycle

   Well, I really can’t stand these books. I think the price of the newest book, Brisingr, is absolutely ridiculous. I can’t believe people are going to pay that price for this book.
Basically, these books are Star Wars set in Middle-Earth. You don’t have to look too closely before you recognize Aragorn, Gandalf, Sauron, Orcs, Arwen, Gimli, Frodo, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Obi-Wan, Darth Vader, or Emperor Palpatine. So much of the story sounds very much like the plots of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. The writing sounds like he copied out a thesaurus. The dialogue is stilted and quite hysterical. (I don’t mean that in a good way.) Oh, would someone care to explain why the vegan elf wears leather?
Good for Paolini. He wrote a book at fifteen. But did he have to publish it? Couldn’t he wait until his writing and originality improved? Was it so imperative to publish it as soon as possible?
Oh, and is it just me or does “Inheritance Cycle” sounds totally weird? It makes me want to associate it with bicycle which makes me think of Eragon riding a bicycle which is really quite frightening.
But.

Confession time.

   I sort of enjoyed parts of Brisingr. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Darn you, Paolini. Well, not too much. I did get to be snarky about it even though I did rather enjoy parts of it.
Best character: The elf chick named Arya. She made Eragon cry.

The Gemma Doyle Trilogy

   Being someone who tends to avoid bestsellers, I was reluctant to pick this up when I did a couple years ago. One of my friends practically shoved it down my throat. I’m thanking her for it though because this is undoubtedly one of my favorite book series. This same friend still occasionally taunts me by saying that I like bestsellers now. Okay. I don’t hate bestsellers, but I tend not to love them. (I.e. Twilight, Harry Potter, and Eragon) This is a rare exception.
   I just have to say this. Libba Bray got the ending all wrong. Tree? Did she honestly think that everyone was going to buy that one when we all know what really happened to Kartik.
Best character: Kartik (the Daffodil).